Naked gold ladies and broken digits…………(13.12.09)

Posted: 18/10/2010 in ravings of a mad woman

Still far from anything of any real note worth I have at least actually managed to pull my head out of my own ass long enough to go and “sign on”. Oh joy of joys, I am now officially one of the great unwashed as my mum likes to keep reminding me and have joined the list of statistics that is the wasters. unfortunately I wont see a penny of this blood money for probably a few months as its all going to be swallowed up by my massive (and I’m rather ashamed to say gang raped) overdraft. But hey, it’s a start right?! Next find my ass a job and maybe calm down a bit. Quite a lot has happened in the last few weeks, the most interesting probably being the fashion show for Queens Arcade a couple of weeks ago. Myself, Ry, Lucy and Helen all went into town all dressed up to watch a girl prancing around on the catwalk wearing nothing but a thong, gold paint and a big grin (oh yeah, and a couple of pieces of “Welsh gold” jewellery, not that anyone actually noticed that bit!) and my dear darling brother in law looking ever so slightly like Mr. Orange (only not bein Tim Roth cause he’s well tasty and Geoff is my brother and that’s just wrong people, behave!) with his black suit and shades! Needless to say a great night was had by all and the drinks just kept on coming. I got a free goody bag too but other than the pretty tiny orange gemstone from Christopher George which “The Dude” went and lost and a super tiny white t-shirt from triumph it was just full of bits of paper apparently giving me discounts and stuff from store that I can’t afford to shop in anyway! After all the goody bag related excitement had finally died down (and believe me, it took a while!) and the fashion show drew to a close we could all get down to some serious drinking. Having left Oceana and moved on to the Crockerton and ordered a rather expensive round of drinks we discovered that one of our crew didn’t have his ID so we walked out. It was about this point that maybe I should have gone home, but sadly it would seem I have to learn my lessons the hard way. I have MEANT to be going home with Ry and Geoff, mainly because I was skint, but also partly because I’d gotten ready for this night of debauchery with Ry at her mother in law’s so she had my bag of clothes and more importantly my high tops in the back of her car. unfortunately I was pretty tipsy and having a whale of a time so as soon as dear Lucy said she’s buy me a drink in another bar that was it, I was off! (Now this is the point where I feel it necessary to point out the some 8 year age difference between me and Lucy, but before she left Ry told me I was charged with Lucy’s safekeeping! “Don’t worry, I’ll look after her!”)
From that point the night steadily declined into chaos and I remember a man I’d only met that night but was a friend of Ry and Geoff’s making me cry, the scantily clad model (although she actually had clothes on by this point) force feeding me wine, Kerry surprising me with rather stong drinks (and leaving a nice hand print on my ass i might add!) and some random dude trying to steal my hard earned, lameass goody bag and getting a heel to the back of the knee for his trouble! I can officially say I have never been so drunk in my life and I don’t intend to get in that state EVER again. I know the mixing of the drinks was mainly to blame, coupled with the fact that all I’d eaten that day was a pasty and a packet of crisps and had eaten equally as little the day before. Let this act as a warning to you all children: DON’T GO OUT WITH MODELS!!

Back to today, a day almost rivaling the recent Friday 13th fiasco. Now, I’ve never been one to believe in the whole unlucky Friday 13th thing, but on the last one it is possible to equate my suffering to nothing else. The day started off fine enough but before long it all became too much. I broke a finger and scratched my knee whilst struggling to move my broken TV, I went out for a fag and nearly set fire to my face, whilst on my way back to my bedroom I tripped on the stairs and smashed the scraped knee on the floor. I got out of the house as soon as I could figuring that I never cause that much damage to other people’s things! I thought I would be safe, but oh how wrong I was! I got to “The Dudes” and for a short while it was good. Then I went and dropped my glass of coke all over the floor (but somehow managed to miss the stupidly easy to tip, bowl like ashtray!), nearly set fire to my favourite hoodie. It was at this point that he ordered me not to touch anything for a while and just sit with my hands on my lap like a good little girl. Then the bastard went and threw the remote to me, but nooooo, not to me, AT me!! The damn thing hit me in my good knee!! So at the end of it I was left with a broken finger (well, cracked knuckle), scraped and bruises on my knees, diminished sense of smell and a hole in my hoodie. Well today I managed to drop my dinner on the floor smashing it all over the place, scald my hand while making a cup of tea and accidentally punching a door frame and once again cracking a knuckle!!! I give up, I know I’m accident prone but GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!


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